That's Why You Failed on Girls (East Asian Girl Version)

Yes, loser I'm talking about you but if you choose to continue reading this, I promise you will increase your success rate in getting Asian girls. There are many guys have yellow fetish (although I'm not one of them, I agree that Asian is better =D ). Some guys are just good at getting girls, some are good at getting only Asian girls, some are good at getting only Caucasian girls, and unfortunately some fail at getting any girls. But luckily for the last two "some", I'm telling why you fail.

But before I start, here is the golden rule to remember - this apply to ANY GIRL - Get their attention in a good way and impress them in 5 second. This is not an easy task because different girls have different opinions. Girl A might think what you did is cute but girl B might think what you did is gross. And in this golden 5 second, if you get to impress them, the next hour whatever stuff you do is cute. But if you fail to impress them in this golden 5 second, you need to bring the moon down for them in the next hour to reverse their impression on you. Therefore, you must be very careful with that 5 second you have.

Ok, let's start our main topic today: Why some guys failed on Asian girls?

1. Dress way ahead of trend

If you're in trend, that's good. If you're slower than the trend, that's okay - you're just not fashionable. But if you're way ahead of trend, you will fail the first 5 second. I know girls love fashionable guys like G-dragon or Tomohisa Yamashita who have colorful hair, blink fashion and gay accessories. And you wanna follow their fashion, but the problem is you are not as good looking as them. I'm not saying that you're ugly, but let's see this example. TOP from Big Bang latest hair style is fucking cool and he makes girls go crazy. But if you follow his style, you're just the gangster Wild Chicken (山鸡) in Young and Dangerous (古惑仔). And worse, you are worse looking than Jordan Chan (陈小春) then you will just look like an useless gangster wannabe a.k.a. lala zai a.k.a. 台客 a.k.a. Pokemon a.k.a. emo kid (depends where you come from).

Solution: Read magazines like VOGUE, GQ or Fashion. Remember, you don't have to wear Giorgio Armani to look smart.

2. Wear something that is out of place

Sometimes you wear in trend but what you wear does not fit in the occasion. For example, you're going out for a casual dinner on your first date but you're wearing a suit with a tie. Unless you have a very good reason for wearing like this, you will fail miserably on your first date. This is a common mistake made by many guys (and sadly, often by me). I know you want to dress fashionable to impress the girls. But you can't just wear like an idiot who just escapes from a mental hospital - like the guy wearing a business attire on a beach. When you dress too hard to impress, you may end up dressing like an idiot.

Solution: This needs some common sense what to wear accordingly but if you have the same problem like me, then just live with it =(

3. Try to impress her with her Native language unless you can speak fluently

If you both have the same native language, use that language. But if her native language is different than yours and you've learned that language in school but can't speak fluently, avoid using that language to converse. It's cute if you just use some words in her language. But it's fucking annoying to listen to your emmmmm-Japanese/Korean/Mandarin/Cantonese all the time.
"Emm...konichiwa.......emm....wa...wa...tashi...wa........emm...WTFYOUSAYING....em..."
Please, I know you learn that from "Japanese/Korean/Mandarin/Cantonese for Dummies" or porn.

Solution: Use the common language. If you don't have a common language, use body language! It's the most effective.

4. Try to impress her with your knowledge about her culture

It's okay if you know a lot about her culture. Unless you've been to that place and interact with the locals for quite some time, don't try to impress her with your knowledge from TV or local restaurant or porn.

Example #1: Mr. Showoff dating a Japanese girl and she loves eating sushi.
Japanese girl: I love eating sushi!
Mr Showoff: I love eating sushi too!! My favorite sushi is New York rolls.

Example #2: Mr. Showoff dating a Chinese girl and she loves Chinese food.
Chinese girl: Let's eat Chinese food. I love eating Chinese food.
Mr Showoff: Me too!! My favorite Chinese food is orange chicken. And I love fortune cookies too!!

If you're Mr. Showoff,  you can start giving up on this girl.
Solution: Don't showoff your dumbness. If you don't know something about her, ask her. This shows that you're interested in her.

5. Pretend it's someone's fart when you farted

According to fartology, the smell of your fart can travel max 3 meters. So the fart from someone on the other table will hardly travel to your table. And don't try to cover up your fart with coughing or moving the chair. These actions make it more obvious that you farted because you can hide the sound but you can't hide the smell!
Solution: Best solution is not to fart on your first date. Avoid eating food that makes you fart more often such as beans and potatoes. Luckily Asian foods do not have a lot of potatoes and beans. So a real Asian restaurant is a wise choice for your first date. But if you really need to fart, please hold it and fart it all out in the restroom. And if you farted before you are able to leave, just apologize sincerely because everyone farts and nothing wrong to hide your fart. A "sorry" and a "smile" will be just okay.

6. Show any sign of Asian stereotypes

This is very serious shit even if you are trying to be funny about the stereotypes. Avoid saying anything below if you want to continue the conversation with the girl:
1. I love Japanese culture since I first watched Karate Kid (or some Japanese porn).
2. The best Kung Fu movie is Crouching Tiger & Hidden Dragon so much.
3. You're as hot as Lucy Liu.
4. Do you study a lot in the library?
5. Asian can't drink as much.
6. I love Harajuku fashion.
Please do not get influence by movie stereotypes. Remember: Asian girls are NOT aggressive, opportunistic sexual beings, predatory gold diggers or submissive, docile, obedient, reverential or in need of assistance or rescue; good-natured at heart.
Solution: All girls are unique no matter what their races. Just spend some time on your first date to get to know more about her and stop all your fucking Asian stereotypes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All these will get you a good start on Asian girls. Good luck ^_^

A letter to Carmeloser Anthony... (not from me, I swear!)

Dear Mr. Carmelo Anthony,
First of all, I want to congratulate Celtic for sweeping you. I always think that you're fucking overrated and you proved me right again. You know what, you should change your nickname from "Melo" to "Ser". I know that in the league we have Dwight "Superman" Howard, Lebron "King" James etc for their nick and I think "Ser" suit you well so that now everybody can call you Carmelo"Ser" Anthony.

Let me tell you the best part of this series. It wasn't the 3 pointer by Ray Allen because we expect him to do it. It wasn't your 42 points game because we know you're a ball hog. The best part was the interview with you after your game 2 loss:

"The Celtics didn't do anything special, they won two games on their home court. Now it's our turn to do the same thing." 
-- Carmelo Anthony @ Game 2



Wow, you called a team that just beat you two straight nothing special? Yea it's true that they have home court advantage but they still beat you (with lots of lucks). But what now when you have home court advantage? You lose two straight. 

I admit that the Celtics did nothing special for winning two game straight at home because everyone expect them to do so. But losing two straight at home to the Celtic, that's something special.



By the way, have anyone told you that you look like a God in Taoism? If you don't know which God, let me tell you now - it's the Great Pig General who lead 100 thousands Angel Warriors 天蓬元帅 猪八戒. Please don't take this as an insult. In fact, it's a compliment for saying you look like a God.

Lastly, I hope you do better next year. But for now, your nick will be Camerloser until you prove that you're not. See ya~~






Truly yours,
An anonymous flamer

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

p/s: Again, this is not written by me but an anonymous flamer.

How to Stop Eating Cookies

One of my 2011 year resolutions was to get six-pack. Although it's still in progress, the result is basically the same. Therefore, I start looking what goes wrong in my quest for six-pack. This is what I'm doing:

1. I jog average 20 km a week. 
2. I sleep before 1am and sleep for 7-8 hours a day.
3. I eat regularly and not excessively.
4. I consume not more than 2 bottles of beer per month.
5. I consume at least 3 packages of cookies per week.

Aha... so the main problem is consuming too much cookies and my calories output is less than my calories input. So if I solve my addiction of eating cookies, I will have my six-pack soon! So how should I stop eating cookies?

1. Replace cookies with healthy substitutions such as fruits to satisfy the crave of sweetness

2. Brush my teeth whenever I feel like eating to eliminate my sense of eating cookies

3. Touch my belly fat whenever I start eating cookies to make myself feel guilty of eating them

4. Stop buying cookies and leave those damn cookies where they needed to be -  in stores

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope this will work for me and anyone out there who faces the same problem as I. And if I still do not get six pack after I stop eating cookies, this is what I'm gonna do:

PUT A GODDAMN ICE CUBE TRAY ON MY TUMMY, WRAP IT HARD WITH ROPES AND GO TO SLEEP.

The next morning, abracadabra~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ puff!! Here comes my six pack =D

NBA Playoff 2011 - 1st round

Basketball is not the biggest sport in the world, not even the biggest sport in U.S.A. But I just love watching basketball. And the moment of truth began - Who'll be crowned as the basketball champion in 2011?

West
Spurs vs Grizzlies (Prediction: 4 - 0)
No offense to Grizzlies, but Spurs will 4-0 you. Zach Randolph and Marc Gasol are good but not good enough to beat Spurs. Spurs is not a team of 5 players but a team of 12 darn good players. The Spurs bench alone makes any team sweat (look at the match April 13 Spurs vs Lakers). It's okay for Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili and Tony Paker to rest their legs before they need to get big in 2nd round.


Thunders vs Nuggets (Prediction 4 - 3)
Thunders is looking hot and their defense has improved after Kendrick Perkins was traded here. Although Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant are leading the Thunders offense, Thunders has yet to win a series. This is a team has nothing to lose and plays like a mad dog to win. Thunders look like a scary team to beat in the playoff.

On the other hand, since Carmelo Anthony was traded to New York Knicks, Nuggets' defense has improved without losing their offense. I always think Carmelo Anthony (just like Lebron James) is way overrated. It's no surprise to me that Nuggets play better without Carmelo because he's just a ball hog. And since Carmelo Anthony left Nuggets, the Nuggets team become more like a real team of 12 good players, although not many people expect Nuggets to be this far without Melo. This is a team has nothing to lose too. They will beat you in all ways. Thunders - Nuggets series will be very interesting.


Mavericks vs Blazers (Prediction 2 - 4)
Mavericks is the type of opponent everyone wishes to face in the playoff because they are just not a playoff team. They are soft. They think they are good enough not to play dirty and tough. But hey, playoff is an elimination series, if you lose the game, you don't get to play the next match. There is NO NEXT CHANCE. If Mav continues to play like a pussy, they will lose to a lower seed in the playoff again.




Lakers vs Hornets (Prediction 4 - 2)
Lakers the two time defending champ but without Andrew Bynum looks very fragile. However, Hornets, without David West, will not match the Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom in the inside. Not to mention that Lakers has the best player in the league - Kobe Bryant. Although Chris Paul, the 2nd best point guard in the league behind Ranja Rondo, can create some problems to the Lakers' point guard weakness, one point guard position is not enough cover their interior weakness (for example, Phoenix for the past 5 years). With Kobe in Lakers to lose in 1st round, please wait until Kobe Bryant retire.


East
Bulls vs Pacers (Prediction 4 - 0)
Chicago is no longer a city who lost in the memory of Michael Jordon anymore. They have Derrick Rose, a 2nd MVP to the city besides Michael Jordon. I'm used to like MJ a lot but with all the craps he has done lately to the Bobcats, I think he's better off staying at home watching his highlights in his Bull days. Oh yea, all the MJ Bulls memory will soon be replaced by Rose soon. Do you remember the epic double OT 7 games series with the Celtic two years ago when Derrick Rose was just a kid? Now he has become better than before. Bulls will win in four games for sure. Who's Pacers anyway?


Magic vs Hawks (Prediction 4 - 2)
Hawks was humiliated by Magic last year in a 0-4 2nd round playoff. Hawks has not improved to avoid being 0-4 again but not to worry that issue this year because Magic is not as good as a year before. Dwight Howard has improved but the teammates have all changed into rubbish, especially the super overrated Hedo Turkogulu. However, Magic still has the superman Dwight Howard. As long as Dwight Howard stays as Superman instead of Clark Kent, Magic will win this series.



Celtics vs Knicks (Prediction 4 - 2)
The epic series of Defense vs Offense. Celtic is a team born for playoff, despite their ugly play during the regular season. But without Kendrick Perkins in the middle (physically and mentally), Celtic has more defensive weaknesses than they used to a year ago. Knicks has the best offensive forwards in the league. Melo is overrated but Amare Stoudamire is not. If Knicks can find their way to exploit Celtic defensive weaknesses, they can steal a game or two. But Celtic is a team full of veterans. Their weaknesses can be exploited only once. And a friendly reminder to Amare, defense always wins - if you've forgotten the days in Phoenix Sun.


Heat vs 76ers (Prediction 4 - 0)
Yes, Heat is not a champion team yet but 76ers has nothing to compete with the talent in Heats. Even 76ers with Allen Iverson of 2000 is not gonna win the Heat today. Dwayne Wade and Lebron James are monster players who are unstoppable.  You need a deep bench, a strong interior players and fucking good shooters to beat Heat. But 76ers has none of them. Heat will win in 4 games.

---------------------------------------------------------------

First round in the playoff is always predictable based on their past performance in the playoff, the players, and their performance in the regular season. But things gonna get more interesting in second round, we shall see!! I'm so excited now already~~~~~!!

Genius vs Insanity

Do you remember the cartoon "Pinky and the Brain" when we were young (not as if we are old either)? If you have ever watched one episode of this classic cartoon, I'm sure that you will never forget the catchy opening music "Pinky and the Brain, Pinky and the Brain..... One is a genius, the other is insane..." We all know that the Brain is the genius and Pinky is insane. The Brain invents super weapons and try to take over the world every night but Pinky, as insane as it shows, accidentally sabotages Brain's plan taking over the world in the end of the show.

But this is something interesting I saw yesterday from DamnLOL

In a common term (people with average IQ) -
Insanity - used to describe an abnormal behavior or a violations of societal norms.

In a genius term (people with high IQ like Albert Einstein) -

Insanity -Doing the same things over and over again and expecting different result

Most of us have the same routine everyday - go to work. And most of us expect different result from doing the same routine everyday - expecting to get promoted by working hard. Therefore, most of us fall into the category of being insane, according to Albert Einstein.


And on the other hand, we describe people who have abnormal behavior or violate societal norms as insane. Examples:
1. When Christopher Columbus sailed west from Europe to America, people that time thought that he's insane.
2. When Galileo Galilei claimed the earth is round instead of flat-shaped and the earth revolves around the sun, he was killed of being "insane".
3. When George Soros shorted US$10 billion against British Pound on leverage on September 16, 1992, people thought that he was insane. He ended up earning US$ 1 billion single day gain and a name of "The man who broke The Bank of England".

Okay enough of these examples because we know there are more of these examples that genius are thought be insane. This is because insanity and genius are closely related. Insane ideas and genius ideas can both be seen as insane but the genius ideas are the successful ideas and insane ideas are the failed ideas. That is just how realistic we are.

So is the Brain a genius or an insane? He does the same thing everyday. On the other hand, Pinky does crazy shit everyday. But both of them fail everyday, so both of them are considered insane?

But one thing is true, without having insane ideas, we cannot generate a genius idea because a genius idea is basically a successful insane idea. Therefore, let's start doing something insane! Stop doing the same shit everyday and dare to be different!

Advice: Dare to be different at your own risk...

 

That's Why I love Being Malaysian!

"Malaysian men have extramarital sex because of 'wives who neglect their responsibilities' to their husbands, a Malaysian lawmaker told Parliament on Thursday, reports AFP.

"Husbands driving home after work see things that are sexually arousing and go to their wives to ease their urges," said independent lawmaker Ibrahim Ali, as quoted by online portal Malaysiakini.

"But when they come home to their wives, they will say, 'wait, I'm cooking,' or 'wait, I'm getting ready to visit relatives'," Ali said. "In Islam, wives are supposed to stop everything to fulfill their husband's demands." Ali heads Perkasa, a right-wing Malay nationalist group seeking to protect ethnic Malay dominance in politics.

His strident comments came as he asked about plans by the government's religious development department to educate wives on their responsibilities.

Wives failing in their duties pushed men to go to "private places to satisfy their urges", he said.

Source: The Straits Times/ANN
Published April 7 2011"

Quoted from The Daily Chili 


After reading this news, I suddenly feel PROUD of being a Malaysian MAN! I never know that I could go fucking around with such justification - sorry but you can't satisfy my need. Although I've explained in my earlier post why men always want to have as much sex experiences as they can, I think I have missed out one important justification - "just because you can't satisfy me".

According to our great Ibrahim Ali, as a Malaysian man, I can do something like this:

Imagine one day (after my marriage with a girl who does not read my blog), I'm driving home after work, see things that are sexually arousing and go to my wife to ease my urge. But my wife is cooking dinner for me, so she replies "Wait, I'm cooking." But I'm so sexually aroused that I must fuck someone right now. So I drove to the nearest  "private place", fuck for 15 mins to satisfy my sexual desire and drive home for dinner which are just prepared by my wife.

Wow, this is just great! But I have something to ask our great Ibrahim Ali:

1. What kind of work are referring to when you said after work? The usual working hour of a non-demanding firm is 8 hours a day. Not to forget that most of the firms in Malaysia make us work for 10-12 hours a day. This is so fucking tiring that it exhausts most of our stamina. A normal person just do not have the stamina to fuck everyday. Of course, I mean real work in a normal firm, not working in Malaysian government offices, sitting all day, eating kuih and getting paid with tax payers' money. Unless I work for Malaysian government, I don't think I'll be able to fuck everyday after work. (It's not that I'm weak, just that I rather have the time to rest my body)

2, What kind things you see that are sexually arousing after work? Is it the female driver you saw when you was stuck in traffic jam sexually arousing? Or is your wife's sex ass shaking while cooking sexually arousing? Or you were watching porn with your handphone while you were stuck in traffic jam? Or the first thing you do upon reaching home is to watch porn? WTF DID YOU SEE THAT ARE SEXUALLY AROUSING? I'm really interested....

3. What kind of actions do you mean by this "go to my wife to ease my urge"? You just walk to your wife and show your hard-as-rock cock? I supposed so because you are sexually aroused by the thing you have seen. Or you just dry hump her while she's cooking? Or you just jerk off in front of your wife to show the need of yours?

4. Are you sure that your wife must stop everything on hand to satisfy your sexual desire? Are you sure that you can satisfy her as well? According to research, on average, women fake their orgasm 75% all the time. In another word, for every four fuck, three fuck was not enjoyable for a woman on average. However, I'm 100% positive that I'm the one who lower the women fake orgasm rate. So if it's not me, it must be you who suck at it!


5. What is your "private place"? My private place is always under my pants. If it's same for you, I hope you don't fuck yourself to satisfy your urge. (I know some guy finger themselves in the ass, I don't know if you are one of them....)


6. Is it true that Muslim wives are supposed to stop everything to fulfill their husbands' demands? I don't know because I'm never a Muslim and never will be. But I know two things are true for Islam

1. Only Muslims are allow to marry each other.
2. If one wishes to leave Islam, one will be condemned to hell.

But if what you said is true about Muslim wives must fulfill their husbands demands no matter what, I believe many Muslim girls will rather going to hell with me then going to heaven with you. Because I'll make hell a place like heaven and you'll make heaven a place like hell. Ya, not to forget that you suck at it! Even earth is place like hell for any woman who marry with you. Fuck yourself Ibrahim Ali. I know you use your private place to ease your urge....


Nonetheless, Ibrahim Ali, I must thank you for being an asshole. You made me a better person (relatively).

Should Malaysian Government Build Nuclear Plant?

FUCK NO!! No other explanations needed other than Malaysian government is just too fucking retarded to build a nuclear plant. I know this is an old topic but Fukushima 1 Nuclear Accident stirred up the conversation again. Let us understand how the nuclear power plant works first.

The picture itself is pretty self-explanatory. Basically we are replacing fossil fuel with uranium to create heat to generate steam to spin the turbine to create electricity. Simply right?

Okay this picture shows more detail but yeah, it's still pretty simple. But the problem is our government is just too fucking dumb to understand even such a simple structure.

So what's the pros and cons using nuclear energy (despite the retarded government low level IQ)

Pros:

1. It generates more electricity than any other best available options.
2. It produces much less Carbon Dioxide, which contributes to our hot as hell climate, especially in Malaysia, than fossil fuel energy.
3. Uranium does not depend on ever fluctuating oil and gas price, hence, is able to produce electricity with a constant cost.
4. Also, nuclear plant can be built architecturally to promote tourism in some way.
5. The nuclear power plant is radioactive. Therefore, the people work in the plant or live near the plant can turn into X-men!

Cons:

1. And if it doesn't turn the people into X-men, it will turn these people into fugly mutants or zombies...or both...

Wow, there are actually more pros than cons of using nuclear energy. However, I still say big NO to Malaysia government and any Southeast Asian countries especially Thailand, Indonesia, Singapore to build nuclear plant. This is why:

1. We are located at near Equator, which means we get to have 365 days of fucking hot sunshine. We can use solar power to generate electricity in Malaysia as the sunshine is available for us 365 days. However, the main usage of the solar power in Malaysia is to generate hot water for shower. The demand of hot water for shower is actually quite high because it's so hot in Malaysia that a typical Malaysian take shower at least twice a day, But still, much of this hot water is generated through electricity instead of solar power.

2. We suffer two 6-month-long monsoon seasons a year, which means we get to have 365 days of winds blowing at us. Wind power is another alternative for renewable energy available for us throughout the year. I wonder why the Dutch brought us all of their cultures but the windmill when they conquered Malaysia. Malaysian are introduced to Dutch yam a.k.a. potato (荷兰薯), Dutch card a.k.a. poker card (荷兰牌), and Dutch car a.k.a. bicycle (荷兰车) but we are never introduced to their culture of using wind power. SUCK ON YOU, DUTCHMEN!!!!

3. Also, the monsoon brings us 365 days of rain, which means Malaysia is fucking wet always. We can use water power to generate hydroelectric, one of the cleanest energies. In fact, currently we have 9 dams generating hydroelectricity in Malaysia. However, according to energy consumption report of Malaysia, these 9 dams are just generating less than 0.1% of the total energy in Malaysia. The rest of the energy are generated through burning of fossils and fuelwoods.. Are you serious????

4. We are located at Pacific Ring of Fire, which means that we can exploit the heat under the feet to generate geothermal energy. In fact, sometimes we exploit the heat under the feet to heat up our water for shower (again, shower... because Malaysians just love taking shower.....). For example, hot spring. However, don't expect too much from the hot springs in Malaysia, it's nothing like the hot springs in Japan or Taiwan....

To be honest, we are blessed to have so many alternative sources of energy available in Malaysia. And not to mention that all these types of energy are renewable energy and do not omit any green house gases. And most importantly, it is MUCH easier to master these technologies than nuclear technology. I do not care what you want for your Wawasan xoxo, We have all sorts of energy - earth, fire (sun & fossil), wind and water. And with a HEART - we can summon CAPTAIN PLANET!!!!!!!!

Fuck your Nuclear power plant development.... Captain Planet will get you, Mr Najib!!