Saturday, January 29, 2011

Happy Chinese New Year a.k.a. Gong Xi Fa Cai

3 years not celebrating Chinese New Year, now I have a chance to celebrate Chinese New Year. Moreover, this year is the year of rabbit and I'm born in the year of rabbit, so this year is MY YEAR!!! WOOHOO~~~~

So here is my new year wish list:
  1. Get a job - I mean get a serious job, not boob job nor blow job. As I am going to USA now, I want to have a real job in my field of study, which is finance. Working in an investment bank will be cool, and I will do my best to get the job.
  2. Get a girlfriend (whom I love) - I mean get a REAL girlfriend, not female BFF nor Kaede. With my handsome looking, the first part should not be easy. The difficult part is the loving part =(
  3. Get six pack - I mean six pack on my abs, not six pack of beer nor six pack of cola. I must let my six pack to see the sunlight, it has been hidden 5cm under my fat for years!
I'm not a greedy person, 3 wishes are enough for me. I'll be the genie of my own and you will just have to sit back and relax and witness my success =D

Of course, this post is not just about my new year wishes. I wanna let the whole world know why the year of rabbit is the BEST year ever. The reasons are:
  1. Because I am born in the year of rabbit, that's why!
  2. Everyone just loves the year of rabbit, because we all do not like other 11 animals as much!
Let's have a comparison of all the animals

RAT
Rat is ugly and dirty. I do not understand why we have rat as the first animal. Perhaps the ancient Chinese were so smart that they predicted that the most famous animal in the modern history is a rat (Mickey Mouse).

Rat can be ugly but adorable a.k.a. cute (for some people). There is a Chinese proverb - everyone hates a stress crossing rat (过街老鼠,人人喊打). Although we are not cats that really hates rats in their blood, I do not think we are able to show our love to the rats.

COW
Cow are nice, nice and ..... nice?
  1. Cows farm(ed) for us.
  2. Cows provide milk that are used to produce chocolate, cheese, yogurt and many other delicious food products.
  3. Cows provide New York steak and T-bone steak.
  4. Cows provide ox-tail soup and ox bone soup.
  5. Cows provide LV bags and Gucci bags.
  6. Cows provide cow girls!









Yea talking about cow girls can be sexy and lovely too - umm not these cow girls. I mean the REAL cow girls as follow:










We should be thankful to the cows and be thankful in the year of cows.

TIGERS
And move on, we have the year of tiger. Some men love tiger (Thai-girl) and some men do not. Tiger represents courage, and we can see why - we do need a lot of courage to wear something like that!















Tigers also represents fierce. For example, having a tiger girlfriend/wife means that your girlfriend/wife is fucking fierce. However, tigers have the cute and sexy side too. We just need to know how to tame the tigers.
















RABBIT

We'll skip the year of rabbit because I wanna save the best for the last.

DRAGON
Dragon is known as god of animals and some Chinese even worship the dragons. With the help of such mythical and godly animal, the year of dragon should be the best year. But the problem is dragon is not a real animal. Until I see a dragon, I will not even consider the year of dragon is a valid year for Chinese New Year celebration.

But here is the interesting part: Although no one has seen a dragon before but we all know how the dragon girl (should) looks like.


Nonetheless, we do love dragon girl, don't we?

SNAKE
Snake plays a utility role as it is slim, lazy, evil, and cunning. Girls want to have a a snake waist, long and slim. Boss hates it when someone is "snaking" (去蛇 a.k.a. do nothing). Christians think that the snake makes us all sinful. Teachers always try to catch us "snaking" (出蛇 a.k.a. cheating)

Because there are more bad than good, the year of snake is not a good year. Still, I love it when a girl is related to snake somehow.










But not too much =(










HORSE
Horse represents energetic. So it's always good. But horse can be used to scold someone as ugly too (马脸). Therefore, it's not a perfect year like the year of rabbit.




GOAT
Goat represents tame. Yea of course they are tame as they are vegetarian. But in some religion, the goat is the devil itself (OMG~~~!) For these people, they hate the year of goat because they think that they are living in the year of devil!!!!!!

Also, I think goat is ugly and creepy =(










MONKEY
Monkey represents playfulness. For Darwin followers, monkey is our ancestor! Therefore, the year of monkey is the year of their ancestors. This is bullshit because I do not see anything in common between a monkey and a human, oh wait I do....










CHICKEN
Chicken represents protein and nothing else. It is most common source of protein and is widely acceptable by many people (but the vegetarian). Sometimes, humans are so evil - we eat not only the chicken itself, but we eat also their unborn baby (eggs). If we continue to eat at such rate, the chicken will be extinct very soon!!!!!!










So please, save our chicken!!! Also a message to one of my friends that LOVES nothing else but chicken: please eat as many chicken as you can before they get extinct!

DOG
Dogs are men best friends because women never stop talking and never listen but dogs just bark sometimes and listen to men. Also, men and dogs have one thing in common - they are always horny. You have no idea how jealous a man is when dogs can hump on anything/any bitch they see. So, dogs are men best friends forever~~~~

Ya even a cute cosplay dog girl cannot replace a real dog in a man's heart unless the man can keep the girl mouth shut!

PIG
For some reasons, we use pig as an adjective. Pigs represent fat, ugly, stupid and lazy. So the year of pig is definitely not a good year. It is true that pigs are fat. But don't forget that we feed them so much to make them fat so that they can feed us with their fat. We are just being hypocrite like we always do =(

However, it is untrue that pigs are ugly, stupid and lazy. How can we justify that pigs are dumber or lazier than a dog? Therefore, in my opinion, the year of pig is not as bad as a pig represents.

Nonetheless, when someone says that you're a pig, means that something's wrong with you.....










RABBIT
Yea the year of rabbit is the best because......
  1. Rabbit is tame as it is vegetarian.
  2. Rabbit is cute.
  3. Rabbit is smart (Bugs Bunny).
  4. MOST MOST MOST importantly......

Don't you agree that rabbit is the best animal ever? SO CUTE~~~~~ that you can't think of anything bad about it!!

Even Paris Hilton looks cute But still slutty.....

And yea, we can all join the fun of being rabbit.....

Monday, January 24, 2011

Wahaha for Life

We should all love our penis because our penis is having a pathetic life. He's often called dick. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy and most importantly the owner always beats him!