Obviously, this is not the blowjob I'm talking about!
For guys who enjoy blowjobs - you love getting blowjobs but your partner hate giving it? you must read my post =)
For guys/girls who enjoy giving blowjobs - you will love giving it more after reading my post =)
Must do list:
Clean your cock up before you request for a blowjob! You've gotta clean every millimeters of it and make sure it does not smell funky!
Make sure your partner accept blowjobs mentally and physically. The court can charge you in a rape case if he/she is not willingly to perform blowjob.
What to eat to improve the taste of your semen. This is not an art but more a science. Semen is made up of 90% seminal fluids including fructose (sugar) protein, and various trace minerals and nutrients, which composed of various proteins, vitamins, sugars, salts, cholesterol, and water. So what you eat can actually change the taste of your semen! So here is the food list:
Pineapples, papaya cranberry, melons, mangos, applesandgrapes which are high in natural sugars and offset the bitter taste
Lots of lots of water to flush out body toxins
High chlorophyll content vegetables such as parsley, wheatgrass, and celery
Cinnamon, cardamom, peppermint and lemon can make your sperm taste sweeter too.
Avoid:
Alcohol, caffeine, recreational drugs andnicotine
Red meat, cheeseandmilk which make your semen taste salty
Garlic and onions that content high sulfur - which make your semen smells like fart
Cauliflower, broccoli and asparagus tend to make your semen taste heavier (although most of vegetables do improve the taste)
Junk food that contains chemicals and preservatives.
And (hopefully) you will get this!!
p/s: For your information, I don't suck cock but I do talk cock.
Actually who is she is not important, what more important is the effect of her plastic surgery. Before the surgery, she looked like a typical All-American girl. Obviously, she's not the country country All American girl but a hottie hottie All American girl. After the surgery, she looks a lil more mature and hotter too. And personally, i love her better after the surgery. Her boobs got more cleavage, her nose got sharper, and her face got colder too (which I really like!). Although some might disagree with me that she looks too plastic, c'mon that's why it's called plastic surgery!
Okay after achieving a good result after her 1st surgery, she went for the 2nd plastic surgery. Here's what she did and the result.
She did 10 things in 1 surgery almost died during the surgery because too much of Demerol. So which 1 is better? In my personal opinion, I think both are so damn hot to me and if you'd really want me to choose - the one on the right! Here's the reason why:
Bigger boobs! D --> G (I'm obsessed with big boobs!)
Less fatty tissue (I'm obsessed with zero fat!)
More mature look (I'm obssesed with OL - older lady!)
Brow lifts makes her looks colder
Many critics about her being obsessed with being "perfect" or "better looking". It's very subjective to define a beauty. Some say hot, some say not. But I support 100% on her plastic surgery case - I mean what's wrong for achieving better? Probably she'd response to the critics, "I don't care if you think I'm hot, but I just love the way I am better right now!" Hell yea~~
p/s: Possible FAQ
Do I mind getting a wife underwent plastic surgery? Hell no, I won't fucking mind! Who doesn't want a hottie as your wife?
What if she was damn fugly and she'd get a fugly child for you? My child can undergo plastic surgery if he/she is not satisfy with the look!
Wouldn't fake boobs feel fake? I'd rather someone having fake boobs than having none. And for your information, fake boobs does feels bouncy and real too. We are enjoying the technology right now.
What if the fake boobs burst while you are having sex? First, plastic surgery is a very mature technology now unless she underwent a paria surgery. Second, she can replace another one the next day easily.
Would I get plastic surgery someday? Maybe..? But I think I'm so hot, so I don't think it's necessary right now.
Wah these days the newspaper is overwhelmed by racism topic. Malay is saying that Chinese is stealing their wealth and asking the Chinese to go back to China. Chinese is saying that Malay is stupid and irrational, and sometimes horny too. What's wrong with these people, fucking seriously? This all started with a headmaster forbidding the non-Muslim students to eat during puasa period and another headmaster asking the Chinese student to return to China.
Who is the problem here? The two headmasters.
What is the problem here? Bad communication between races and bad education.
Why should the Malays be angry with the act of these two headmasters? Because of these two racists, the other Malays are labeled as racists too.
Why many of the Chinese are angry with the act of these two headmasters and dulan the Malay as a whole? I don't know.. maybe because they see some uneducated Chinese people angry then follow become angry also? Peer pressure? LOL
My high school was a private Chinese school. Believe me, 90% of the teachers are racists! They look down on Malays, they attack other non Chinese school students, they label students purely with their academic result. My school is a fucking failure of the education. Not only it produced people like me who do nothing productive but talk cocks only, but also promoted racism among the students.
Here is the example how we got the racism peer pressure. Whenever one is hanging out with other races or praising them, he/she will be laughed by the peers and the teachers. "Aiyo, why you hang out with babi 1?" "No wonder you so stupid lar, hang out with low quality people!" "You got brain washed by them already lar... remember you are yellow color 1, child of the dragon ler.." "Walao, you like that girl ar? Need to potong 1 you know?? Don't make me laugh at you if you really potong!" These are just a few examples of the common phrases you usually hear.
When we ask these Chinese why are they being such a racist, 99% they will reply because the Malay make us a racist!! Walao, seriously how the Malay make you racist? You don't have your own ground 1 meh? People can easily "make" you accordingly 1 ar? They ask you to go back to China then you will go back 1 ar? If someone really tells me this on my face, I will ask him/her to prepare China visa and the flight ticket for me right now! Sorry it's not I don't want to go back, you cannot prepare for me also~~ Sigh......
Sometimes, I have to admit that we do have Chinese that are fucking racists. But isn't this situation apply to the Malay too? When a Malay hang out with Chinese, some peers might go against him/her too. Probably they'd say that the Chinese make them racist too.
So who's the real racist here? The Chinese or the Malay? Who makes who racist? Who makes who racist then racism back to the first "who"? Who make who racist then racism back here to racism back there again? This is a chicken-egg question. But what's more importantly, are you a racist? Stop racism back to those racists and accept them. Perhaps you will find Malaysia a better place to live in =)
As a Malaysian, we tend to end our sentence with our Malaysian (not Singaporean, okay?) signature word "lar". Sometimes, we like to add our own ethnicity flavor. For example, a typical Kuala Lumpurian would say "Why you so stupid one?" or "Where got??" (the classic one). This does not make sense in English grammar because there is no verb in that sentence. And what is the function that "one" at the end of the sentence? I have to admit that my English sounds like a typical Malaysian Ah Beng English but hey, at least I have no problem communicating with anyone with English!
But here is one thing that what most of the Americans, British, Australians, Canadians, Europeans and the "bananas" in Malaysia and Singapore CANNOT do - speak Mandarin!
I know there are lots of Chinese haters out there. For examples:
Europeans hate Chinese because they are defeated by the Chinese in so many ways - just have a look at Dota scene and you will see lots of Chinese haters in European platform.
Australians and Canadians hate the Chinese for being richer than them (sounds so familiar!!!!).
The "bananas" hate the Chinese simply because they think they are better than the Chinese although they share the same color.
But hey, go fuck yourself in your own little world please. Last week China just replaced Japan as 2nd economy power in the world and USA will be pawned very soon too. Oh yea, just for your information, McDonlad just issued the first ever Yuan denominated bond. Yes I am not kidding - Yuan has slowly become a hard currency! This is the first Yuan denominated bond in the history and this will not be the last. Capital market is seeking capital from China as the rest of the world is still suffering economy downturn and is not able to provide the capital the investors need.
Hey Chinese haters, it's not too late to learn how to speak Mandarin now. I believe in the very near future, we'll be all seeking capital from China instead from USA.
When the rest of the world is suffering from economy downturn (average lose of 2%), Malaysia Kuala Lumpur Composite Index (KLCI) can hit all time high of 1395.03 on the week closing. This is a very funny country that we are living in and we need super genius economist (such as me) to explain why this is not supposed to happen and why this is happening in Malaysia.
Why KLCI is not supposed to be this high:
Malaysia lost 80% of its foreign direct investment (FDI) while our neighbor countries are prospering. This means that foreign investors are moving their investment from Malaysia to neighbor countries such as Singapore, Indonesia, Thailand, Philippines and Vietnam.
Malaysians are expensive workers because we are so educated that we refuse to work hard and leave most of our jobs that required skills to foreign labors. Don't you realize that your Chao Kuey Teow is being fried by a Vietnamese lately? Therefore, this is a major loss to our GDP.
Ringgit Malaysia (RM) is being so strong right now without strong financial foundation to support its strength. This further decreases our FDI as investment in Malaysia becomes relatively more expensive with the strengthen RM.
There is no major technology breakthrough in Malaysia that is profitable. I read the news that our Ministry of Health is trying to remove the DNA that causes Denggi from the mosquitoes. Good luck on breaking through that technology! Wish you all the best!!
Our economy focus has been switched from agriculture to construction since we moved from Pak Lah era to Najib era. If we would have focused on agriculture right now, we could prosper better since we have natural resources and environment to export raw materials to emerging countries. However, we could not benefit from more constructions in Malaysia since we have very limited population. Yet, I don't understand why we don't get cheaper housing from the surplus of houses. Perhaps Malaysians are too rich and love to own several houses??
I love KaedeMatsushima and I love everything about her. She's more well known as a pornstar. Not to mention that she's crazily hot, she has the personality that I'm fucking into it.
There are lots of pornstars who are sexy, hot and horny but Kaede is different from any girl I've known. For a lot of pornstars, being pornstars is just about the money and the fame. Kaede became a pornstar because of her love to her boyfriend. She sacrificed herself in porn industry in order to help her boyfriend to fulfill his dream as a movie director. (How lucky her boyfriend is!!!!)
Although she's a pornstar, she is a very traditional lady who believes that marriage is the most important moment in a woman's life. I must agree with her because I, myself as a man, believe that marriage is not only the most important moment in a woman's life, but also in a man's life! Nevertheless, her 7 years of relationship with her boyfriend came to an end in 2008 right before the moment of their marriage. Can you imagine how heart broken she is at that moment?
However, she's very a strong and independent woman. In order to live by herself, she was forced to get into porn industry again to get enough money to get a house of her own. (for your information, she bought her boyfriend the house before she broke up with him. And now she's getting a new house for herself so that she won't be owing her boyfriend any shit!!) As we know, Tokyo's houses are 100x more expensive than houses in Kuala Lumpur. Can you imagine how a girl afford two houses by her own self???
For 1.5 years, she had to involve to porn industry again to please the perverts to watch her body again and earn hard money for herself. Because of her sad life experience, her acting in her latest series is not as seductive as her previous movies. Nonetheless, she's my favorite pornstar who is able to make me cum 10 times.
In May 2010, finally she got a new boyfriend and decided to quit porn industry again. I wish her all the best in her life. It's not easy to see the determination of a girl when she faces hard time. Also, it's not easy to meet a girl who is as stubborn as Kaede when it comes to love. Kaede is a girl who believes in love and she will do whatever she could to support her love one. If I ever meet a girl like Kaede in my life, I swear I will treasure her with my whole life and never make her drop a tear in her life!
p/s: If there is a chance for me to know Kaede personally, I promise I will make her the happiest woman in the world!!! This will be my promse to the God if I will ever meet her!
For those who do not recognize this picture - this is a sketch of your hand. It is very important to know our hand and the name of the fingers on it. I was lectured a few days ago about how to know myself better through my own fingers. A normal human has 5 fingers on each hand - thumb, index (grooming), middle, ring and little. These 5 fingers can tell your personality and help you to understand yourself better. So this is how it works.
Look at your hand right now for 10-30 seconds.
(tik... tok... tik... tok....)
Ok - so now - among those 5 fingers, which finger you like the most? For those who has extra, ignore your extra finger please, thanks. According to some book I read sometime ago somewhere I don't remember, each finger represents your work motivation.
Little Finger - Religious driven. These people are driven by religion. Everything they do is because they are asked to do so by the God.
Ring Finger - Family driven. These people are driven by family. Everything they do is for the sake of their family such as taking care of their family or obeying their elders' orders.
Middle Finger - Sex driven (not me!!!!) These people are driven by sex! Everything they do, they do it for sex and sex only. Every outing, they sure need opposite sex to be in the group.
Index Finger - Recognition driven. These people are driven by recognition. Everything they do, they want to be recognize by others. If someone tells them what they are doing is wrong, they will hesitate to continue doing it =p
Thumb Finger - Money driven. These poeple are driven by money. Everything they do, they want money as reward. No money, no talk!
Please don't get me wrong - this is not a porn post. All the photos are censored in some way. At least you don't get to see their tits =)
Japanese are always famous for being creative and innovative. For the better life of men, they invented water-proof posters. So what are the usages of these posters?
Put the poster in the bathroom! Wow, it's like having a shower with the hot chicks! Also sometimes, you get the feeling of getting stalked - which makes you feel really good.
Put your plate of food on the poster so that you won't get your table dirty. You can enjoy the beauty of your favorite pornstars even when you're eating! And she's protecting your property!
Paste it on a tray and serve beers with it. This can help the guys to get drunk faster as your blood will flow faster with the help of the posters.
Apply lub on it and rub your thing with it. Use your imagination and you will get great satisfaction. Lub and protein-like-stain can be washed off easily.
Wow having the posters waterproof, we can actually use the posters for many occasion. Use your creativity, perhaps you can find greater satisfaction with it? I love Japanese!!!
WARNING: This is for porn lover only. If you feel disgusted by me, sorry - please ignore this.
Always before we download a new porn, we need to check the comment or the rating of the porn. But with the help of this new website I just discovered, you can read reviews of the pornstar, the updated news of your favorite pornstars and the introduction of the newcomer to porn industry!!! Isn't this great??
I know you pervs are all excited now. Go check it out!! Bet you're gonna love it!!!
My first illegal songs download started with Napster. But Napster got sued by singers and music producers and it has to charge the users for copyright fees to the music producers. However, I think these music producers should sue hitz.fm (92.9 in Klang Valley) because hitz.fm is making its listeners to hate all the pop music!!
Imagine in the morning when everyone gets stuck in the traffic for at least 45 minutes, hitz.fm plays a maximum of 10 songs in its list. Lunch time, hitz.fm is playing the same 10 songs again. After work and stuck in traffic jam for at least 45 minutes again, hitz.fm plays the same fucking 10 songs again! We have to listen to these fucking 10 so-called-latest-fucking-hot hits for at least 2-3 times a day for the weekdays.
Hooray! Finally it's Friday but when we stepped in the club - OMG it's the hitz.fm's list again and all the bad emotions (such as getting queue cut by "cut queue sohai") are coming back to me again!! This is like a classical conditioning. We get pissed in the traffic and listening to the same 10 songs. We get stressed after working like dogs and yet listening to the same 10 songs. Now I wanna fucking relax in the club but I have to fucking listen to the same 10 songs!! And these 10 songs reminded me how much working sucks and I get emo in the club =(
So fuck you hitz.fm!! Please play other songs!!!!!!!
If you can't beat them, join them! If you can't join them, beat them! This is how the world works. Google is launching a Google version of Facebook to compete with Facebook after they failed to convince Facebook to join Google. I don't know who will win the battle, but for sure we will have options (beside Friendster) in very near future =)
Everyone should know who is Henry Ford. He is a great inventor who deserves the fame of Thomas Edison as he has invented mass production through assembly line. We might not know the greatness of assembly line but everything we use today is produced through assembly line fashion. Through assembly line fashion, manufacturers can greatly reduce their cost of productions and produce better quality products with jobs specialization. Henry Ford is remembered (as if he is still being remembered) as the person who formed Ford Motor Company. But after the invasion of Japanese car manufacturers such as Toyota and Honda, Ford is only remembered as "Fast Only Rolling Downhill".
As one of the Big Three in Detroit (another 2 are General Motor and Chrysler), Ford ruled the automobile market for years and enjoyed luxury earning till the Japanese invasion. Because they are the pioneer of automobile industry, they exploited their first-mover-advantage to the max by increasing the price of the cars without adding value to it.
Japanese are greedy and ambitious. They slowly introduced cheaper and better cars to the market and slowly took over the automobile industry. General Motor and Chrysler were eliminated in this game after the financial crisis in 2008. But Ford is the sole American survivor in this game. So how should he play the game?
First, he closed down all his other unprofitable businesses and focused solely on cars manufacturing. Second, he attacked the Japanese's mistakes. After Japanese took over the automobile industry, they stopped producing good quality cars like they used to be. This is a golden chance for Ford to "salt-fish-turn-body". Right away, Ford produced cars cheaper and better than Japanese cars. Silently, Ford is making profits 5 quarters consecutively after the financial crisis while his major competitors still struggling to find a way out from the financial breakdown.
Once again, salute to Henry Ford!! Ford is no longer fast only rolling downhill =)
Don't ask me who invented this word - Don't-give-a-fuckism - but this is a fucking real word. So what is "Don't-give-a-fuckism? Don't-give-a-fuckism is an ism concerned mainly with not giving a fuck." from Wikipedia. (Told you, i ain't kidding).
Funny that when I see someone using "anonymous" and commented "i don't give a fuck". This blog is all about talking cock. I understand people get offended sometimes by all these cock talks. You can either bullshit me back or fucking ignore and fuck off. If you don't wanna give a fuck, please DON'T GIVE A FUCKING FUCK and stay the fuck off from my blog.
By the way, using as "anonymous" is a fucking ball-less act and all anonymous will be deleted. To all "i -don't-give-a-fuck-anonymous", here is a big FUCK YOU. I write this fucking blog and I decide whose comments get to stay, not you!! Sue me, bitch!
Recently just got back to Malaysia and found a very odd way to greet in Malaysia - Salam Satu Malaysia. This is fucking retarded because I was never taught to greet like this when I was in primary school and secondary school. "Selamat pagi", "Selamat tengahari", "Apa khabar?" or even "Asamalaikum" are the common greetings that we use in daily life. But since when "Salam Satu Malaysia" becomes a common greeting in Malaysia? You hear it all the time, in radio, in TV, in speech etc.
I don't see why we need to greet people with "Salam Satu Malaysia". Aren't we living in the same fucking country all the time? I could understand if Western Malaysians greet the Sabahians and Sarawakians "Salam Satu Malaysia" because they are not in the Malaysia map. Some might argue that "No, Sabah and Sarawak have bigger land!!" Let me ask you, when you introduce Malaysia to stupid foreigners who do not know where Malaysia is, do you introduce Malaysia "at the north of Singapore" or "at the north of Indonesia"? Got it? Therefore, Western Malaysia > Eastern Malaysia!
(Oh fuck, we are supposed to talk about Satu Malaysia not comparing West vs East. This is not NBA)
After some research, finally I understand the importance of the greeting of "Salam Satu Malaysia". By promoting "Salam Satu Malaysia", government is encouraging me to pikat girls from other races! I have to admit that I've met a lot of hot Malay and Indian chicks recently. Behind the idea of "Salam Satu Malaysia" is that we should encourage interracial marriage! Chinese and Indian should adapt part of the Malay culture of having four wives. Malay and Indian should adapt part of the Chinese culture of having lots of mistress. Chinese and Malay should adapt part of the Indian culture such as Kama Sutra!
I love Malaysian government. Salam Satu Malaysia!!!!!!
Goldman Sachs is an international firm that involves in investment banking, securities, investment management and other financial services primarily with institutional clients. Goldman Sachs provides mergers and acquisitions advice, underwriting services, asset management, and prime brokerage to its clients, which consist on corperations, governments and individuals. In short, it is a firm that control the finance market in the whole world.
However, Goldman Sachs has been accused involving in frauds. The firm has reached a settlement with Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) after months of trials in US court and the firm agreed to pay $550 million as fine a.k.a. "saman".
Yes, it is indeed $550 million for "saman" and my first reaction is OH MY HOLY FUCKING GOD!! Fines are usually paid in cash or via bank transaction. If the fines are being paid in cash, these would be 5.5 million piece of $100 bills (which you can see the sample on your left). And you will need a fucking huge warehouse for all these money!!
The whole Malaysia income in the year 2009 (a.k.a. GDP) was $220 billion. And the fine itself is roughly 1/400 of the whole Malaysia income! This is a huge number for a firm to pay a fine. And, in fact, this is the largest fine ever given by the SEC to a financial firm.
However, I believe that this fine is too generous for Goldman Sachs. Last year, Goldman has profited $13.39 billion in that fiscal year itself. This means that Goldman Sachs earns $36.7 million per day. $550 million of fine is equal to only 14 days of its profits. Also, we should not forget that Goldman Sachs profited $5 billion (from $71.6 billion to $76.6 billion) as their stock price increased after the settlement was announced last Thursday. So what is $550 million for Goldman Sachs? NOTHING!
However, Goldman Sachs sucks all the blood of the poor by misleading the poor into unprofitable investments. Part of the reasons we are still facing a world recession is due to Goldman Sachs' fraud. Goldman Sachs paid its fine of $550 million to SEC. This $550 million means nothing to Goldman Sachs but it means EVERYTHING to the millions of the poor.
p/s: Goldman Sachs has a very ugly logo because this firm is formed since 1869. It used to be my dream company and is still my dream company. Please forgive my unethical behavior.
I am such a fool not to include this reason when I evaluated the reasons why we have traffic jam.
I am not saying a traffic jam in particular area but traffic jam as a whole in this planet.
I must confess that I am NOT a sexist.
I beg all the readers that agree with me please post a comment agreeing on it (this will help to improve the situation here).
What I'm saying here is all my personal opinion - which means you can counterfuck me all you want.
...............End.................
One very important reason that we have traffic jam is because WE HAVE FEMALE DRIVERS!!!! Yea right, female drivers cause a lot problems such as accidents that lead to traffic jam and you gotta agree with me. The reasons are as follow:
Super Hot Female OMG where are you focusing at, guys? I know she's hot but you gotta stay focus and concentrate to drive! I know it's hard to stay focus when you saw a hot girl driving alone. Your eyes will automatically focus on her wearing, her boobs, her face, her legs etc but guys, stay fucking focus on the damn road!! Most of the time, hot female drivers cause unnecessary accidents and then we have traffic jams. Solution: Jerk off and drink some coffee before you drive. Jerking off makes you less horny and coffee makes you stay awake and focus.
Pretty Wannabe Female I know you're not pretty but you wanna be one. Believe me, putting on cosmetic will not as effective as going for plastic surgery. Plastic surgery might cost some money but remember this - you need to pay only once and cosmetic surgery is like interest from loan sharks - you gotta pay every month! When girls putting on cosmetic, 99% focus will be on their face and 1% left for the hot male driver who just passes by. "Should I put on more lipstick?" "Does this color of the lipstick match my shirt?" "My eyelashes look fake, gotta buy a new one!" etc..... Solution: Go for a plastic surgery.
Pondan Yes pondan is included as female because they are not included as male. When guys look at pondan, the first thing they will do - OMG WTF BBQ and close their eyes to avoid looking at them for another second. And BAMMM!! The car crashes into the car in front. When girls look at pondan, they will do - OMG WTF BBQ I THINK I'M PRETTY THAN HER and syok sendiri for 10 second without focusing on the road. And BAMMM!!! The car crashes into the car in front. Solution: Pondan, please wear mask or just get a better plastic surgery, thanks!
Penguin Penguin has so limited view when they have to wear such bulky stuff. Also, penguins tend not to stay very focus when they are driving. "Umm what day is today? Tuesday? Phew, luckily it's not my turn to fuck that old small dick and I could try the new dildo I bought!" "Fuck, it's Wednesday!! I hate sucking an eraser!" "Oh shit, I forgot the prayer (eyes close) Allahwallakaka wakakakakakaka salam...." Solution: Believe in Jesus Christ and he will bring to heaven too!! And you don't get to share your husband!!! Easily Shocked Female "OMG WTF BBQ was that?? I am so shocked!!!!!!" "OMG WTF BBQ!!! Why you just stopped suddenly???!?!?!" These kind of female drivers reacted with 100x emotions with tiny little thing. They tend to brake and stop the whole car for any tiny thing happens even at the most usual situation. They can stop their car without any warning. If you are driving near these drivers, you'd better avoid them! Solution: SHOUT louder than them to make them shut up! Emo Female Girls tend to be more emo than guys. "Omg I'm so high today!!!" "Fuck the bitch that look at my bf!!" "What should I say to that hot guy to make him fuck me?" When girls get emo, the driving get emo'ed and follow their emotional. When they get high, they drive fast. When they get sad, they drive fast. End up - dying fast. Solution: Take birth control pills. It helps to lower your estrogen and progesterone and make you less emo.
Speed Hater I believe all girls hate things to be done fast. This is because they cannot handle speed and they do not enjoy the speed (look at how they perform in bed). For guys, the faster the better. For girls, the slower the better. So when girls had to drive a machine that moves that fast (>5kph, normal walking speed), they cannot handle the speed. Solution: Learn how to handle the speed and live with it!! Fast is always better =)
One of the biggest problems of having cars is dealing with the traffic jam. If you pronounce traffic jam (Tra - fuck - it - jam) slowly, you will realize how traffic jam fucks up our daily life. We might wonder what causes traffic jam in Malaysia. Cars too many? Roads too small? Everyone just happens to work at the same time? Let me explain what causes traffic jam (at least in my opinion, yea):
The Cut Queue Sohai These cut queue sohai's are fucking irresponsible and selfish. They think only their time is time, others time is not time. We wait long long at the back there, they just cut in. Sometimes cannot cut in, then block all the cars behind at the other lane that not suppose to wait. Solution: Put very sharp nails before the divider so that they will get intimidated to cut queue.
The 10 Years Construction It's common to take 10 years to finish the constructions in Malaysia. Before election, the parti parti propose to build this build that. So they start to build the pillar and put some fences there to block the whole road. After election, the construction progress totally halts. Wait for 5 years until the moment right before the next election, the parti parti continues with their constructions. "Yea, we'll finish building this after we got elected!" Okay, after they got elected, constructions got halted too. Wait for another 5 years right before the election, "Okay, we will complete this construction!!" So now they must finish the constructions before proposing another 10 years project. And the cycle goes on....... and the road will be blocked for 10 years and 10 years and another 10 years and go on............ Solution: Fuck the government!
Mat Rempit Mat Rempit are hardcore X game fans. They can do "superman", "no hand", "one wheel" all kind tricks. And even better, they do it on highways. They always race here race there, do stunts here do stunts there. One mistake = accident = traffic jam for the whole highway. Seriously, if they want to die, then just kill themselves. Please do kill other people before killing yourself, you there motherfuckerempit. Solution: If you driving car and see mat rempit, hit them with your car before they hit you! This is called first move advantage!
Blind Fucktards These fucktards are fucking inconsiderate. Although the traffic light is green, it is impossible for them to cross the junction before the light turns red. But these fucktards thought, "Nevermind lar, just 1 second only.. They can wait 1 second then they can move already.. No problem lar!" But the fact is they got jammed for 20-30 seconds and the other lane that suppose to go can cross the junction although it's green light. So when it's the other lane's turn, they did the same thing too! "Fuck lar, just now green light 20 sec but those jibai block there. Now I go block them too!" Therefore, the whole junction got jammed so fucking badly. Solution: Hit those blind fucktard with your car when the light is green. By law, you are suppose to go and they are stopping at the yellow lines = you win!
Malaysian Smart Police Malaysian police are damn smart. They can do lanjiao magic - 5 lanes become 1 lane for no purpose. If they see you use emergency lane, then it's their "kopi time"!! They purposely cause problems to the innocent drivers. So much free time do lanjiao stuff, but no time to catch mat rempit. Solution: Give them more money to drink "kopi" if you got caught. So that they can hit their monthly target with less lanjiao operations.
Too Many Tolls I don't underfuckingstand why Malaysia has so many tolls. First, oil price in Malaysia is NOT cheap!! Even USA has cheaper oil than Malaysia, an oil producing country. Second, cars in Malaysia is fucking expensive. x3 of the price due to the tax to protect our national useless cars - fucking Proton and Perodua. Third, our road tax is not cheap too. Fourth and most importantly, even if we have to pay for the tolls, we still stuck in the traffic jam. So WHY THE FUCK YOU BUILD A HIGHWAY THAT HAS TRAFFUCKIC JAM 24/7 AND CHARGE US FOR IT??? Solution: Fuck the government too!!
How can you be correct 12 times out of 14 the predictions on football matches? No human has done it before but yes, we have an octopus, named Paul, that actually did it. Besides guessing wrong twice in the Euro Cup in 2008, Paul had 100% correct prediction over the football matches in FIFA World Cup 2010. Oh my god, it's 8 out 8! If it's 50/50 chances to predict the winner, then the chances for Paul to make all these predictions are 1/28 = 0.0039, or 0.39%!!!
Are you fucking kidding me??? Why the fuck didn't I follow Paul's prediction in this FIFA World Cup?? I could have made millions! It's true, I could have made millions but I wouldn't because first of all, I will NEVER bet on football matches.
If everyone still remembers the final between Spain and Netherlands, Spain won 1-0 in overtime. Oh my god!! Paul is fucking correct again but football gamblers did not win a single cent in this match. This is because the bet can be interpreted as "Spain will win the match in 90 minutes or you lose your fucking money". So who's the winner? Paul and the casinos/mafias.
This is how it works - Paul is given two identical food with two flags of the country that are competing before the football match. Paul usually (12/14) chooses the food with the flag of the winner of the match.
It's simple to explain that why Paul can never go wrong because the choosing of the food is NOT its predictions but its choices of the winner. No matter which country Paul chooses, the casino/mafias will control the football match and let the chosen country win the match.
This is not hard to be seen. Last Euro Cup Final, Paul made the wrong prediction. People believed in Paul because he was the "oracle" and had the heaviest bet in the final game. A simple "mistake" in the final game by Paul caused billions of dollars of profits to the casinos/mafias. People won't stop believing in Paul just because of this small mistake it made because it has the correct prediction consistently.
Before FIFA World Cup Final, Paul has made 7 straights correct prediction. "Wow, this Paul must be the gambling God! Let's have my final bet in this world cup. Umm let's gamble half of my assets," the gamblers thought. But Spain and Netherlands had a tie game in 90 min and the gamblers lost all of their money. Still, Paul made the correct prediction but the gamblers lose money. As long as casinos/mafias forbid Spain and Netherlands to have a winner in full time, they can make billions of money again!
We all know how the casinos/mafias control the football world. So y'all gamblers out there, HAIL TO PAUL THE ORACLETOPUS!!
The Three Kings are LeBron James, Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh. These Heat version of Big 3 is bigger than Celtic Big 3 or Spurs Big 3 or any other Big 3 you can think of. It's like putting Akon, Eminem and Katy Parry in a pop band. Each of the three names could single handedly bring ANY team into NBA playoff. Putting three of them together will guarantee you a playoff basketball. Championship? Hardly, unless Pat Riley put some size in their ball game. Let's compare them to other Big 3's in this decade.
San Antonio, Spurs It all started with a man called Tim Duncan - the best forward/center in this decade. Then you put a French and an Argentinian into the mix and we have Spurs Big 3 + Gregg Popovich as head coach + lots of players who do all the dirty works for them.
Tim Duncan is undisputable the best old school forward/center in this decade. His moves are always solid and reliable (except for his free throw, no one is flawless right?) in both ends. Backdown leads into a hook, a layup or a dunk = 20 points with 60% field goal + 10 rebounds.
At the same time, Tony Parker has the quickness to drive through ANY defender. "I'm going left, I'm going right, no I'm going left again, umm no right... left.... sorry see ya!!" <-- These are his crazy crossover moves. Allen Iverson probably doesn't handle the ball as good as this Frenchman right here. Manu Ginobili, the left handed dude, can do crossover, step back 3 pointer OR crossover, layup with his left hand there.
And we have players who do the dirty work (aka Dirty Crews). Bruce Bowen - a lock down 1 on 1 defender that can guard 1 to 4. Robert Horry - the Big Shot Rob that always makes the most critical 3 pointers. Michael Finley - used to be one of the Mavericks Big 3 (Finley, Nowitzki, Nash).
And this = 3 Championship!
Boston, Celtic Spurs Big 3 is more like 1+2 = 3 but Boston Celtic Big 3 is the true 1+1+1 =3.
Kevin Garnett is a 7 footer shooting guard that plays FUCKING intense defense. He knocks down 20 foot jumpers, fade away and sometimes 3 pointers. He is EVERYWHERE in the defensive end and brings the emotion to the team in defensive end. He has a "Defense Aura" around him that gives his teammates +20% defense.
Paul Pierce. Ugly moves but effective. I have no comment about him because I do not like him. He has a sexy voice though. Probably he can be a R&B singer after he retire as a player. Ray Allen is the motherfucker. He has the best shooting form that you can imagine. Lightning fast quick release jumper and 3 pointers. He is the best pure shooter that you can ever have.
And the dirty crews are: Glen "Baby" Davis and Kendrick Perkins - two fat men who plays intense defense and solid rebounding. Thanks to Garnett's "Defense Aura".
Ranja Rondo, perhaps the best point guard right now. Sorry Steve Nash, sorry Chris Paul, sorry Derron William. Not you, yes you were but Ranja Rondo IS the best!
Doc Rivers, the head coach, who has a sick annoying voice. The players were like "Okay, let's do this! We gotta do better to avoid a timeout to listen to this annoying fuck voice."
And this = 1 Championship + 2 rounds of NBA Final in 3 years
Miami, Heat Okay this not even Big 3. It's like 1.5 + 1.5 + 1 = 3 and it's not even right. LBJ is 0.5 > than any small forward and Wade is 0.5 > any shooting guard but Kobe. (Kobe is like 1.99 > 1.5)
But I don't see the big picture of a championship team. Heat Big 3 can beat ANY Big 3 in a 3 on 3 basketball but hell this is NBA, it's 5 on 5!
Where is the dirty crews? None.....
Who's the head coach? Erik Spoelstra.... I am not trying to be mean but this dude (the one in the middle) - is he a fucking coach or this is a Miami joke?
Pat Riley gotta do something to this team such as bringing in the dirty crews and more importantly coming down to the bench and be the head coach instead of having Erik Spoelstra as their head coach.
Or else, the talent of the Three Kings will be wasted.
Conclusion Bringing top players into a team doesn't guarantee championship but it does guarantee sales of jerseys and tickets. Sometimes, four 0.8 players can be very effective too (Detroit Piston). Sometimes, two 1.5 players are enough to kick yer ass (Lakers with Shaq and Kobe and Heat with Shaq and Wade). Sometimes, one 1.99 player (you know I mean who) is better than Big 3.
Nonetheless, this season will be very entertaining and the road to be a champ again is harder and harder....
USA got Spiderman, Japan got Ultraman, even Malaysia got Cicakman. China is the best at imitation, how can they miss out to create a "man" of their own. So Donnie Yen comes to rescue the Chinese, we have "Eye Pea" Man!!
There is several reasons why it's called "Eye Pea" Man. The main reason, look at all other "man"s from other countries. They share a common trait - HUGE EYES. They can go as big as an egg like Ultraman. Donnie Yen has a relatively small eye. Well, maybe his eyes are not as small as pea, but hell yeah he has small eyes!
Secondly, his English name is "IPMAN" = Eye Pea Man?? Hell yea~~
Obviously, this is not the blowjob I'm talking about!
