East vs West (This is not a post about NBA All Star Game)

Congratulates the West for beating the East once again, thanks to indecisiveness of LeBron James. However, I ain't gonna talk about NBA because the only topic of NBA right now is JEREMY LIN.

I'm gonna talk about East vs West.

Radio always play this song lately - A Thousand Years by Christina Perri. Wow, this is a very romantic song, isn't it?

"I have loved you for a thousand years...

I'll love you for a thousand more....."

Nay, not really.... Because you see -

Andy Lau will love you TEN thousands years.. TEN TIMES more than Christina Perri...

Even Joker (至尊宝 by Stephen Chow 周星驰) can say some he'll love ZiXia (紫霞) for 10,000 years...

曾经 

有一份真诚的爱情放在我面前
我没有珍惜
等我失去的时候
我才后悔莫及
人世间最痛苦的事莫过于此
如果上天能够给我一个再来一次的机会
我会对那个女孩子说三个字：我爱你
如果非要在这份爱上加上一个期限
我希望是...一万年！

Once, 

there is a sincere love before me

I did not cherish her..

and when I lost her,

I regretted so much...

This is nothing more painful than this suffering

If God can give me another chance

I would tell this girl - I LOVE YOU

And if God insists to have an expiry for this love

I wish that it would be - TEN THOUSAND YEARS!

And of course he is held under ZiXia's sword - but this is still 10x MORE romantic than by Christina Perri!

And this brought up some thoughts of East vs West

Maybe this is because Western history started only after the birth of Jesus Christ 2000 years ago....

Maybe this is because Eastern history started much earlier when HuangDi a.k.a. Yellow Emperor a.k.a. 黄帝 first unified the Chinese and recorded it in the history 5000 years ago..

And that's why in the East, we (even the lame Joker) tend to love 10,000 years while in the West, they tend to love only 1,000 years..

Yes, Easterners and Westerners have very different values of life and happiness - of course they have different opinion about male handsomeness.

West culture focuses on wild and mischievous, 

Sometimes, a little dominating....

 East culture focuses on cute and innocent.. Yupe that's right!!

(Wakakakakaka..... New level of Narcissism!)

Sometimes, a little girly and gayish

Nonetheless, these are very fine men and who really cares if they love you for 1000 years or 10,000 years? You're gonna be dead anyway.... But the idea is Eastern people tend to be more loyal than the Western people......

Think about it - Christina Perri vs. Stephan Chow.......

Wait a minute, was I wrong at the starting point - it should have been Male vs Female after all.

Male is a much better and loyal lover than female.....? ! LOL

Lessons from Fairy Tales #1 - Aladdin

Weeks ago, I went to watch Aladdin, the musical. Aladdin is a very famous Arabic folk tale, thanks to the successful effort of Disney in cartonizing this folk tale. If you still remember the story, you can skip the summary plot (written by me). And if you don't, let me present you the story of Aladdin.....

Aladdin, a useless society trash who lives in the street of Arab, stole for living. One day, he met the Princess Jasmine, the princess of the country at the street.

After some flirting and corny pickup lines, Aladdin successfully laid Princess Jasmine.

Due to Aladdin poor background, they were forbidden to marry each other. However, Aladdin continued to sneak into the palace to meet (fuck?) Princess Jasmine. 

Aladdin was captured by the evil Grand Vizier, Jafar for loitering in the palace and was tricked to retrieve the magical lamp in the deadly Cave of Wonder for Jafar.

Aladdin was trapped in the cave and summoned the Geenie accidentally.

Geenie granted Aladdin wish to be a Prince

Aladdin, as Prince Ali now, proposed to Princess Jasmine. At first, he was rejected. He invited Princess Jasmine for a ride on the magic flying carpet and they fell in love.

Jafar tricked Princess Jasmine to exchange Aladdin's magical lamp with a new lamp. Jafar used the Genie to become the Sultan himself and enslaved the original Sultan and Princess Jasmine.

Aladdin fought Jafar bravely and trapped Jafar into the magical lamp. Aladdin revealed the truth to Princess Jasmine. The Sultan, feeling indebtful to Aladdin, allowed Princess Jasmine to marry Aladdin despite his background. They lived happily ever after.

So what is the lesson of this story?

#1 Women are fucking materialistic.

Why??!?!? How?!?!?!? At first Jasmine was annoyed by Prince Ali as she still missed Aladdin. But when Prince Ali offer her a ride on his "magic carpet", she was amazed by the magic carpet. And after a journey on the magic carpet, she fell in love with Prince Ali. What the EFF is this? In the real world, it means that guys who has the "magic carpet" can court girls much easily than guys who don't. In another word, guys who has an amazing ride (like SPORT CARS) can court girls much easily than guys who don't own shit. Don't believe a girl who says she's unmaterialistic. Try to offer a ride with a Ferrari and with a Toyota, then tell me which has the higher success rate. In fact, studies has showed that women are aroused by sports car. That's why Jasmine chose to be with Prince Ali, instead of waiting for Aladdin....

#2 Women loves listening to lies

How do you think Aladdin, a useless street rat, can court Jasmine? He has no house nor a job and he steals for living. If he's living in our world, he's labeled as social trash, who creates all the social problems to the innocent citizens like us. But hey, why social trash always has a stupid dumb girlfriend - like Jasmine? Firstly, girls are dumb - DON'T ARGUE WITH ME!! Secondly, girls love listening to lies. Aladdin just fills up Jasmine fantasy of life that she never had and promises her all the promises he will never be able to fulfill. Yea, you call him asshole, but how many of you girls fall for guys like this? Women just love listening to lies instead of truth, because they are too weak to accept the cold hard truth. Oh you know why girls prefer guys with taller nose? Because they are better at lying!!!

#3 If you wanna be successful in life, you're gotta hold on to the "Genie"

Not many of us are born Kings. We have to work our ass off everyday to have a better life but most of the time, we are just working our ass off without getting the rewards. Ya we can blame this and blame that. But why they are people who are just more successful than you are? This is because they hold on to the "Genie" who grants them their wishes. We don't meet our "Genie" everyday and most of the time, our "Genie" is disguised in an old lamp - which hardly recognizable as our "Genie". Therefore, we have to very sensitive to every possible chances in our life and fucking hold on to it. Once we have our "Geinie", we have to fucking abuse it - then you can be as successful as Aladdin.

How to abuse Genie #1 - Use it wisely for your own good!

How to abuse Genie #2 - Use it ASAP when you have the chance!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

So let's recap what we've learnt from Aladdin
#1 - Women are fucking realistic
#2 - Women loves listening to lies
#3 - We must abuse our Genie in order to be successful

H-Artistry - The Art of H'in

November 12, 2011 - Hennessy is throwing out the greatest party in Malaysia - H-Artistry - but I prefer to call it the Art of H'in. Why so? Because this party is full of H-Art. Some dirty minded motherfuckers out there might think H-Art is something related to Hentai Art. But sorry, this is a clean post - so let me introduce you the real Art of H'in:

The Art of Hennessy-mixing

As a notorious party monster, I love all kind of drinks - and Cognac is one of favorite drinks. And Hennessy is the world leading Cognac producer - selling 50 million bottles a year or approximately 40% of world Cognac. Yea, it's gonna fucking drown you!! We can drink Hennessy Cognac in many ways - we can down it like a man or drink the mixed Hennessy like a pussy. 

Drinking the mixed Hennessy might portray yourself as a pussy but mixing Hennessy is a fucking ART. There are hundred ways of mixing Hennessy, from as simple as mixing with Coke and ice to as complicated as Tap That Ass (I didn't make that word out - the name of the Cocktail is "Tap That Ass")

Mixing Hennessy is a real art. If you wanna be a party monster (like me) - you have to:
a) down neat Cognac like a man - to impress those who can't drink like you
b) master the Art of Mixing Hennessy - to impress those who want to drink with you

But no worries, H-Artistry will prepare everything you need. All you need to do is to prepare you liver.

The Art of Handsoming

For guys, the Art of Handsoming is one of the most important element in H-Artistry party. Although girls are not as superficial as guys, being handsome is a great advantage. If you think you are born ugly, it's okay - you can always go for cosmetic surgery. But God created everyone equally - and all guys are handsome, it just depends on how you portray yourself.

Of course, I don't think I am as handsome as Nichkun from 2pm because I think I'm better!! Don't give me this (=.=") face because the very first rule of the Art of Handsoming is to think you're handsome - the more handsome you think are, the more handsome you will become. Do you think Justin Bieber is handsome? But why the fuck he get so many girls' fans - from 3-year-old baby girl to 80-year-old grandma? This is because he thinks he is handsome - thus, he sings handsomely, act handsomely and get paid handsomely!

Here are some great examples of how you portray yourself is more important
If you think you are too slim to be handsome - please have a look at G-dragon and refer to him

If you think you are too short to be handsome - please have a look at Tony Leong and refer to him

If you think you are too poor to be handsome - please have a look at the beggar Xi Li Ge (犀利哥) and refer to him

If you think you have too less hair to be handsome - please have a look at Jason Statham

If you think you have too old to be handsome - please have a look at Hugh Hefner

If you think you have too big the belly to be handsome - please have a look at John Travolta (sorry!)

When you master the Art of Handsoming, you can master the H-Artistry party with great ease!

The Art of Hunting

Of course, being handsome alone don't get you nowhere because girls don't approach to you just because you're handsome. You gotta do something!!! We need the Art of Hunting and I mean real hunting. Hunting in the party is more dangerous than hunting in the jungle. You have to risk being fed with lemon, poured with water, slapped by the girl, punched by her boyfriend, thrown out of the party and worse, humiliated by your friends for the rest of your life~!!!! As a macho man like me, being humiliated is worse than dying. Therefore, you can't make mistake while hunting.

The Art of Hunting becomes especially important in H-Artistry party because
a) This is invited only party - means that the prettier girls are more likely to be invited (fuck the real world!!!)
b) The girls tend to dress as the brightest star in the crowd - means that we have a lot of competitors
c) There are lots of Hennessy for us to drink - means that we will drink a lot and will act very irrationally sometimes.

But good thing is Hennessy Cognac makes thing easier for guys. If you don't know how, listen to the following song and learn how from Nate Dogg

"How to get girls to leave with me? Conversation and Hennessy!" O yea - All hail mighty Hennessy!!

Nonetheless, the Art of Hunting is very a difficult art to master and the most important essence of this art is: "Veni, vidi, vici" a.k.a. "I came, I saw, I conquered". Truly believe in it, you'll get the world like Julius Caesar.

The Art of HipHoping & Housing

Another important element of the Art of H'in is the Art of HipHoping & Housing! A party without music is like a car without wheels - it just won't move! This year we are very lucky to enjoy the music by Chris Willis, Park Jung Min, Landy Wen, Yolanda be Cool and Goldfish & Blink and the host by Fay Hokulani, Julie Woon and VJ Utt. And let me introduce you them one by one:

1. Chris Willis - an American music producer. He was a gospel singer (gay?) but transformed into pop icon after collaborating with house music producer David Guetta. His iconic music includes Love is Gone and Getting Over You - and they will blow your mind!!!!
2. Park Jung Min - K craze is not over. In fact, it's getting crazier. He is a Korean rising singer and for those K-pop fans - you won't gonna miss him out. (I still wish to have G-dragon though...)
3. Landy Wen - fucking hot Taiwanese singer, probably the hottest in the H-Artistry 2011. Her most iconic song is The Roof (屋顶) with Jay Chow but we don't wish listen to this song while partying. Let's just enjoy her hot body instead of her songs, shall we?
4. Yolanda be Cool - an Australian band (the next famous thing after Savage Garden?) and got into the international scene with their catchy song - We No Speak Americano - and this song will make the girls move their ass!!
5. Goldfish & Blink - a local band. Please support Malaysian product! Happy Satu Malaysia~~ Miss Nina rocked last year, let's hope they will rock too?

The Art of High'in
Lastly, after mastering all the H-Art above, we must master the last art - The Art of High'in. After all, what is point of going party if you're not high?

This is how you get high with the Art of H'in! 

This is how you see the world after you master the Art of High'in

So party people, ready get party?

p/s: Having a little H-Artistry party of my own at my house before the real H-Artistry party start =D

PM me for more details!!!!!! Party forever, i <3 party~~

How to Prevent Your Bag being Snatched by Snatch-thief

One of the best things living in Malaysia is that we get to blame ANYONE for ANY problems we have. For example, when we're fat, we can blame that Malaysian food is too fucking delicious for us to ignore. When the Malaysian Airlines keep losing money, we can blame that they didn't have the beautiful stewardess like other airlines, precisely Airasia which has the prettier stewardess). When we have a slow road construction (which probably take around 10 years), we can blame the Malaysia weather for being hot or rainy, which impede the constructions.When we have rape crimes, we can blame the victim for being seductive. And now we have snatch thieves, we can blame that victims are too dumb to notice the potential danger.

Since we can never blame the inefficiency of our government - which causes Malaysian Airlines fail, high crime rates, and many other problems, we have to find our own way to prevent bad things happening to us.

Let's explore the ways to prevent your bag being snatched in Malaysia:

1. Ask your boyfriend not give you any bags -
- Yes, this is the best way to prevent your bag being snatched. Probably the poor little snatch thief need to snatch your bag because his fucking annoying girlfriend keeps asking him to give her one handbag! So by asking your boyfriend not give you any bag, you have successfully
a) prevented your bag being snatched - because there is no bag to be snatched!!!
b) prevented your boyfriend becoming a snatch thief - hence, reducing the bag-snatching cases.


2. Support pirated bags -
- Okay, I know bags are girls' most needed items next to bras and shoes. So it is quite impossible to ask them not to ask their boyfriends to give them bags (poor boyfriends). But why not using a pirated cheap bag? By using cheap pirated bag, you can
a) lure the snatch thieves to snatch other more expensive bags - hence protecting yourself
b) have less emotion attached to the bag even if it is snatched - just get another cheap ass bag

Method #1 and #2 are very effective against snatch thieves and very economic. But sometimes girls are too stubborn, they rather die than using a fake bag or using no bag. Therefore, we can try some alternative methods.....

3. Put a bomb in the bag -
- Beware!! Putting a bomb in your bag might get you labelled as a terrorist. But this is very effective way to prevent snatch thieves. Imagine you have a bomb in your bag and the dumb snatch thief got your bag. And the next thing he knows - KAABOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!! He will lose one hand if he's lucky. So if every girls has a bomb in her handbag, the snatch thieves will either
a) get killed by the bomb
b) lose their hands and are not able to snatch anymore
c) quit snatching bags before either a) or b) happens.

Of course, putting a bomb in your bag might be dangerous to you too. Therefore, you can try the next method.... which is safer and same as effective!

4. Put a dog in the bag -
- You know why Paris Hilton's bag has never been snatched? You're so wrong if you think that it is because of her bodyguards. The real reason is that there is a dog that bite in her damn bag!! Plus most of the snatch thieves in Malaysia think that dogs are ritually unclean (you know why) - another point for them to avoid snatching a handbag with a dog inside. And if you can put a pig in your handbag, they will not even bother get near to the your bag. So dogs and pigs are welcome in your handbag!!!

So good luck, preventing snatch thieves - we don't need to blame ourselves for having low awareness (like the idiot blames on us)

The Quest of The Perfect Woman

In my previous post, I said that the girls do not need search for the perfect man. Instead, they should search for the perfect lover. Furthermore, I've showed you the candidates of the perfect lover and a real life example of the most perfectest lover. And as perfect as I am, I want to look for the perfect woman for myself too. Therefore, I've set a series of criteria to filter the non-perfect woman for myself.

My definition of perfect woman:
1. Must be able to cook.
This is the most important criteria for me because I think a woman who can cook is the sexiest because cooking makes a woman hot!! Of course, knowing bakery is a plus because I love sweet stuff so damn much - like cookies, brownies etc.

In general, I love woman who can do housework. After all, housework is meant for woman. Housewives do housework and men go hangout with their friends =D

But if every woman does her housework, then all the maids will lose their jobs. So for the sake of world economy, I just request a woman to cook, instead of doing everything like cleaning and ironing. And also I have apron-fetishism. Just for you all to know, girls in a apron is fucking hot................

Aren't they hot?

And there are many designs for you to choose!! So sexy~~~

2. Must be beautiful -
Yes, this is my second criteria and yes, I'm shallow. But believe me, being beautiful alone will not make me fall in love with her. Perhaps being beautiful is 0.1% of all the reasons to be a perfect woman. But why is it place as my second criteria? Because being beautiful is the FIRST filter to be my perfect woman. Ugly = definite NO. Beautiful = Maybe, we shall go along, see what's next and how's the progress. To be honest, this is just natural selection - beautiful = better next generation.

Okay here comes the contradiction - some may wonder: What if a woman can cook but is not physically appealing to me? This is not quite acceptable for me because cooking is for my self-interest while physically appealing is for my next generation. I can't be that selfish!!!!

What if a woman is physically appealing to me but can't cook? You know what - I will buy her "Cooking for Dummies".


3. Must be slim but slim because she loves exercise instead of not eating -

Fuck off those who are Anorexia but being fat is a sin - it's the result of laziness, insufficient self-discipline, lack of determination and fucking-eat-a-lot-of junk food. Yes, you can say that I have discrimination against fat people but probably the girl on the left attract more men than the girl on the right.

You can say I'm an asshole for having discrimination against fat people but HEY, they choose to be fat!! If they do not believe that they can slim down, go fucking watch "The Biggest Loser" and see how they do it!

Some might say, "Hey!! My doctor says having fat tissue is normal and it's healthy!!!"

But having the fat tissue all over your body is FUCKING UNAPPEALING to me and it looks (and probably is) so unhealthy. And most importantly, I don't wanna be the first person to die suffocating during sex. Please, think about your love one, start getting slim~!

Most importantly, being slim has a lot of advantage:
a). When there is fire, you are a more likely target to be rescued by the fire fighter - first, because you're more physically appealing and second, you're easier to be carried.

b). Even if you're not confident with your look, it's okay - just cover up your face with a mask and you're still physically appealing to most of the men!! And men might think that you're just being hygienic++++!!!

c). No matter what you wear, you will still look fine!! That's the magic of being slim!! Remember, fashion is designed for slim people only.

d). Slim girls have more jobs opportunity too. The reasons are first, the employers are usually horny bastards; second, the customers are usually horny bastards. Moreover, there are many jobs fit for slim people only - like stewardess - having fat stewardess will decrease the fuel efficiency of the plane. So unwise to hire fat stewardess from economy point of view.

4. Must be independent, understanding and allow me to hangout with my friends -
In another word, the woman must not be possessive nor controlling. I refuse to report my action every fucking second to you. I want my men's night out - drinking our beer, bitching about works (and sex) etc - something that can't be shared or laughed with any female around. So don't ask me what was our conversation, you know that I'm gonna lie - just like the girls' notorious lie - "Oh, it felts great!!" every time I ask after making love.

Also, she must be independent and has her own life. Her life must not be fully occupied by me. If her life = my life, why would I want someone else who has the exactly same experience as me? I can just choose myself instead, since I'm already a narcissist!!

the ultimate narcissist who uses a spoon as a mirror, o yea~~

5. Must know how to do make up -

Yes, after surviving my criteria #2, my perfect woman should be beautiful enough without make up. But who would complain if your woman becomes prettier? Besides, putting on make up is important so that we have some common topic. And I don't have to teach her how to do it. I won't mind putting it for her but if I know more cosmetic than her, she's not "woman" enough - thus disqualified as a perfect "woman". Believe me, I know much more than you expect!!

Besides, putting on cosmetic can produce variety of "her" everyday. Putting on different cosmetic with different style can really make a huge difference!! So it's like having a lot of girlfriends but in fact, I have only one. Learn the secret here to satisfy the greedy guys? That's the reason why sextoys manufacturers produce a lot cosplay sex lingerie - yesterday night she's a police, today she's a housewife and tonight she's a nurse. But the next morning when she wakes up, she's a housewife again! Putting on different cosmetic can produce the same result - believe me.

6. Must be very adventurous -

In another words - very "on"! Whatever crazy stuff I'm gonna do, she will follow without hesitation. Fuck off to those who say "NO" to base jumping! Oh by the way, partying is NOT adventurous - fuck off the party bitches who think they're fucking adventurous in the quest of cocks.

To be honest, being adventurous is not just going for base jumping or rock climbing. It's about staying young at heart; being enthusiasm at everything, old or new stuff; and never afraid of changes.

Of course, party sluts argue that "Oh yea, we are fucking adventurous because first we are young, we look young, and have a young heart. Second, we are enthusiastic about any cock, regardless old or new cocks. And third, we are never afraid of changing new boyfriends"

Oh well, they can be my perfect S-L-U-T but never be my perfect woman.

The most iconic adventurous girl - Lara Croft - I'm so gonna in love with her if she wasn't a fiction character!!! (Not to forget that she's SUPER HOT - which fulfills criteria #2 and #3!!!!! She's freaking independent - criteria #4)

If only she's a real person, then I make her read "Cooking for Dummies"!!!!!

I wonder if there is a woman who fulfills all the criteria ever exists (or existed) in the world. The closest person I get is a fiction character - Lara Croft - scores 5 out of 6. And probably she cooks because she needs to eat something while exploring the tombs. Thanks to the retarded game designer, now she can't cook because she never need to cook in the game.

So good luck for me in my quest of my perfect woman. But I ain't turning gay if I fail to search one.

What makes you your perfect woman??