Lessons from Fairy Tales #1 - Aladdin

Weeks ago, I went to watch Aladdin, the musical. Aladdin is a very famous Arabic folk tale, thanks to the successful effort of Disney in cartonizing this folk tale. If you still remember the story, you can skip the summary plot (written by me). And if you don't, let me present you the story of Aladdin.....

Aladdin, a useless society trash who lives in the street of Arab, stole for living. One day, he met the Princess Jasmine, the princess of the country at the street.

After some flirting and corny pickup lines, Aladdin successfully laid Princess Jasmine.

Due to Aladdin poor background, they were forbidden to marry each other. However, Aladdin continued to sneak into the palace to meet (fuck?) Princess Jasmine. 

Aladdin was captured by the evil Grand Vizier, Jafar for loitering in the palace and was tricked to retrieve the magical lamp in the deadly Cave of Wonder for Jafar.

Aladdin was trapped in the cave and summoned the Geenie accidentally.

Geenie granted Aladdin wish to be a Prince

Aladdin, as Prince Ali now, proposed to Princess Jasmine. At first, he was rejected. He invited Princess Jasmine for a ride on the magic flying carpet and they fell in love.

Jafar tricked Princess Jasmine to exchange Aladdin's magical lamp with a new lamp. Jafar used the Genie to become the Sultan himself and enslaved the original Sultan and Princess Jasmine.

Aladdin fought Jafar bravely and trapped Jafar into the magical lamp. Aladdin revealed the truth to Princess Jasmine. The Sultan, feeling indebtful to Aladdin, allowed Princess Jasmine to marry Aladdin despite his background. They lived happily ever after.

So what is the lesson of this story?

#1 Women are fucking materialistic.

Why??!?!? How?!?!?!? At first Jasmine was annoyed by Prince Ali as she still missed Aladdin. But when Prince Ali offer her a ride on his "magic carpet", she was amazed by the magic carpet. And after a journey on the magic carpet, she fell in love with Prince Ali. What the EFF is this? In the real world, it means that guys who has the "magic carpet" can court girls much easily than guys who don't. In another word, guys who has an amazing ride (like SPORT CARS) can court girls much easily than guys who don't own shit. Don't believe a girl who says she's unmaterialistic. Try to offer a ride with a Ferrari and with a Toyota, then tell me which has the higher success rate. In fact, studies has showed that women are aroused by sports car. That's why Jasmine chose to be with Prince Ali, instead of waiting for Aladdin....

#2 Women loves listening to lies

How do you think Aladdin, a useless street rat, can court Jasmine? He has no house nor a job and he steals for living. If he's living in our world, he's labeled as social trash, who creates all the social problems to the innocent citizens like us. But hey, why social trash always has a stupid dumb girlfriend - like Jasmine? Firstly, girls are dumb - DON'T ARGUE WITH ME!! Secondly, girls love listening to lies. Aladdin just fills up Jasmine fantasy of life that she never had and promises her all the promises he will never be able to fulfill. Yea, you call him asshole, but how many of you girls fall for guys like this? Women just love listening to lies instead of truth, because they are too weak to accept the cold hard truth. Oh you know why girls prefer guys with taller nose? Because they are better at lying!!!

#3 If you wanna be successful in life, you're gotta hold on to the "Genie"

Not many of us are born Kings. We have to work our ass off everyday to have a better life but most of the time, we are just working our ass off without getting the rewards. Ya we can blame this and blame that. But why they are people who are just more successful than you are? This is because they hold on to the "Genie" who grants them their wishes. We don't meet our "Genie" everyday and most of the time, our "Genie" is disguised in an old lamp - which hardly recognizable as our "Genie". Therefore, we have to very sensitive to every possible chances in our life and fucking hold on to it. Once we have our "Geinie", we have to fucking abuse it - then you can be as successful as Aladdin.

How to abuse Genie #1 - Use it wisely for your own good!

How to abuse Genie #2 - Use it ASAP when you have the chance!!

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So let's recap what we've learnt from Aladdin
#1 - Women are fucking realistic
#2 - Women loves listening to lies
#3 - We must abuse our Genie in order to be successful

H-Artistry - The Art of H'in

November 12, 2011 - Hennessy is throwing out the greatest party in Malaysia - H-Artistry - but I prefer to call it the Art of H'in. Why so? Because this party is full of H-Art. Some dirty minded motherfuckers out there might think H-Art is something related to Hentai Art. But sorry, this is a clean post - so let me introduce you the real Art of H'in:

The Art of Hennessy-mixing

As a notorious party monster, I love all kind of drinks - and Cognac is one of favorite drinks. And Hennessy is the world leading Cognac producer - selling 50 million bottles a year or approximately 40% of world Cognac. Yea, it's gonna fucking drown you!! We can drink Hennessy Cognac in many ways - we can down it like a man or drink the mixed Hennessy like a pussy. 

Drinking the mixed Hennessy might portray yourself as a pussy but mixing Hennessy is a fucking ART. There are hundred ways of mixing Hennessy, from as simple as mixing with Coke and ice to as complicated as Tap That Ass (I didn't make that word out - the name of the Cocktail is "Tap That Ass")

Mixing Hennessy is a real art. If you wanna be a party monster (like me) - you have to:
a) down neat Cognac like a man - to impress those who can't drink like you
b) master the Art of Mixing Hennessy - to impress those who want to drink with you

But no worries, H-Artistry will prepare everything you need. All you need to do is to prepare you liver.

The Art of Handsoming

For guys, the Art of Handsoming is one of the most important element in H-Artistry party. Although girls are not as superficial as guys, being handsome is a great advantage. If you think you are born ugly, it's okay - you can always go for cosmetic surgery. But God created everyone equally - and all guys are handsome, it just depends on how you portray yourself.

Of course, I don't think I am as handsome as Nichkun from 2pm because I think I'm better!! Don't give me this (=.=") face because the very first rule of the Art of Handsoming is to think you're handsome - the more handsome you think are, the more handsome you will become. Do you think Justin Bieber is handsome? But why the fuck he get so many girls' fans - from 3-year-old baby girl to 80-year-old grandma? This is because he thinks he is handsome - thus, he sings handsomely, act handsomely and get paid handsomely!

Here are some great examples of how you portray yourself is more important
If you think you are too slim to be handsome - please have a look at G-dragon and refer to him

If you think you are too short to be handsome - please have a look at Tony Leong and refer to him

If you think you are too poor to be handsome - please have a look at the beggar Xi Li Ge (犀利哥) and refer to him

If you think you have too less hair to be handsome - please have a look at Jason Statham

If you think you have too old to be handsome - please have a look at Hugh Hefner

If you think you have too big the belly to be handsome - please have a look at John Travolta (sorry!)

When you master the Art of Handsoming, you can master the H-Artistry party with great ease!

The Art of Hunting

Of course, being handsome alone don't get you nowhere because girls don't approach to you just because you're handsome. You gotta do something!!! We need the Art of Hunting and I mean real hunting. Hunting in the party is more dangerous than hunting in the jungle. You have to risk being fed with lemon, poured with water, slapped by the girl, punched by her boyfriend, thrown out of the party and worse, humiliated by your friends for the rest of your life~!!!! As a macho man like me, being humiliated is worse than dying. Therefore, you can't make mistake while hunting.

The Art of Hunting becomes especially important in H-Artistry party because
a) This is invited only party - means that the prettier girls are more likely to be invited (fuck the real world!!!)
b) The girls tend to dress as the brightest star in the crowd - means that we have a lot of competitors
c) There are lots of Hennessy for us to drink - means that we will drink a lot and will act very irrationally sometimes.

But good thing is Hennessy Cognac makes thing easier for guys. If you don't know how, listen to the following song and learn how from Nate Dogg

"How to get girls to leave with me? Conversation and Hennessy!" O yea - All hail mighty Hennessy!!

Nonetheless, the Art of Hunting is very a difficult art to master and the most important essence of this art is: "Veni, vidi, vici" a.k.a. "I came, I saw, I conquered". Truly believe in it, you'll get the world like Julius Caesar.

The Art of HipHoping & Housing

Another important element of the Art of H'in is the Art of HipHoping & Housing! A party without music is like a car without wheels - it just won't move! This year we are very lucky to enjoy the music by Chris Willis, Park Jung Min, Landy Wen, Yolanda be Cool and Goldfish & Blink and the host by Fay Hokulani, Julie Woon and VJ Utt. And let me introduce you them one by one:

1. Chris Willis - an American music producer. He was a gospel singer (gay?) but transformed into pop icon after collaborating with house music producer David Guetta. His iconic music includes Love is Gone and Getting Over You - and they will blow your mind!!!!
2. Park Jung Min - K craze is not over. In fact, it's getting crazier. He is a Korean rising singer and for those K-pop fans - you won't gonna miss him out. (I still wish to have G-dragon though...)
3. Landy Wen - fucking hot Taiwanese singer, probably the hottest in the H-Artistry 2011. Her most iconic song is The Roof (屋顶) with Jay Chow but we don't wish listen to this song while partying. Let's just enjoy her hot body instead of her songs, shall we?
4. Yolanda be Cool - an Australian band (the next famous thing after Savage Garden?) and got into the international scene with their catchy song - We No Speak Americano - and this song will make the girls move their ass!!
5. Goldfish & Blink - a local band. Please support Malaysian product! Happy Satu Malaysia~~ Miss Nina rocked last year, let's hope they will rock too?

The Art of High'in
Lastly, after mastering all the H-Art above, we must master the last art - The Art of High'in. After all, what is point of going party if you're not high?

This is how you get high with the Art of H'in! 

This is how you see the world after you master the Art of High'in

So party people, ready get party?

p/s: Having a little H-Artistry party of my own at my house before the real H-Artistry party start =D

PM me for more details!!!!!! Party forever, i <3 party~~

How to Prevent Your Bag being Snatched by Snatch-thief

One of the best things living in Malaysia is that we get to blame ANYONE for ANY problems we have. For example, when we're fat, we can blame that Malaysian food is too fucking delicious for us to ignore. When the Malaysian Airlines keep losing money, we can blame that they didn't have the beautiful stewardess like other airlines, precisely Airasia which has the prettier stewardess). When we have a slow road construction (which probably take around 10 years), we can blame the Malaysia weather for being hot or rainy, which impede the constructions.When we have rape crimes, we can blame the victim for being seductive. And now we have snatch thieves, we can blame that victims are too dumb to notice the potential danger.

Since we can never blame the inefficiency of our government - which causes Malaysian Airlines fail, high crime rates, and many other problems, we have to find our own way to prevent bad things happening to us.

Let's explore the ways to prevent your bag being snatched in Malaysia:

1. Ask your boyfriend not give you any bags -
- Yes, this is the best way to prevent your bag being snatched. Probably the poor little snatch thief need to snatch your bag because his fucking annoying girlfriend keeps asking him to give her one handbag! So by asking your boyfriend not give you any bag, you have successfully
a) prevented your bag being snatched - because there is no bag to be snatched!!!
b) prevented your boyfriend becoming a snatch thief - hence, reducing the bag-snatching cases.


2. Support pirated bags -
- Okay, I know bags are girls' most needed items next to bras and shoes. So it is quite impossible to ask them not to ask their boyfriends to give them bags (poor boyfriends). But why not using a pirated cheap bag? By using cheap pirated bag, you can
a) lure the snatch thieves to snatch other more expensive bags - hence protecting yourself
b) have less emotion attached to the bag even if it is snatched - just get another cheap ass bag

Method #1 and #2 are very effective against snatch thieves and very economic. But sometimes girls are too stubborn, they rather die than using a fake bag or using no bag. Therefore, we can try some alternative methods.....

3. Put a bomb in the bag -
- Beware!! Putting a bomb in your bag might get you labelled as a terrorist. But this is very effective way to prevent snatch thieves. Imagine you have a bomb in your bag and the dumb snatch thief got your bag. And the next thing he knows - KAABOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!! He will lose one hand if he's lucky. So if every girls has a bomb in her handbag, the snatch thieves will either
a) get killed by the bomb
b) lose their hands and are not able to snatch anymore
c) quit snatching bags before either a) or b) happens.

Of course, putting a bomb in your bag might be dangerous to you too. Therefore, you can try the next method.... which is safer and same as effective!

4. Put a dog in the bag -
- You know why Paris Hilton's bag has never been snatched? You're so wrong if you think that it is because of her bodyguards. The real reason is that there is a dog that bite in her damn bag!! Plus most of the snatch thieves in Malaysia think that dogs are ritually unclean (you know why) - another point for them to avoid snatching a handbag with a dog inside. And if you can put a pig in your handbag, they will not even bother get near to the your bag. So dogs and pigs are welcome in your handbag!!!

So good luck, preventing snatch thieves - we don't need to blame ourselves for having low awareness (like the idiot blames on us)

Where Have I Seen This Before??

Long time no porn post, so give you a long porn post. Sounds familiar? Yea, continue reading you'll find more familiarity

The following is a list of movies - some you watched in the cinema, some you  watched at home, some you didn't know, some you know but haven't watched. But it's okay, you can start watching the following:

Let's start with some super heroes..

1. Superman

2. Katwoman

3. Spiderman

4. Captain America

5. Wonder Woman

Or we can try some horror....

1. Saw

2. Blair Witch Project

3. Scream

4. The Exorcist

5. Texas Chainsaw Massacre

6. Buffy the Vampire Slayer

7. The Human Centipede

8. Nightmare at Elm Street

9. Dawn of the Dead

10. The 6th Sense

11. Psycho

12. Ghostbuster

Perhaps some actions......

1. Big Trouble in Little China

2. Charlie's Angels

3. Tomb Raider

4. Black Hawk Down

5. West Side Stories

6. Robin Hood

7.  Conan the Barbarian

8. The Terminator

9. The Bourne Identity

10. Tron

11. Fight Club

12. Mission Impossible

13. Independence Day

14. Planet of the Apes

15. Top Gun

16. Jurassic Park

Perhaps, you like some drama too...

1. American Beauty

2. Edward Scissorshand

3. Lord of the Ring

4. Good will Coming

5. Clokwork Orange

7. Pulp Fiction

8. X-Files

9.  The Da Vinci Code

10. Star Wars

11. Forest Gump

Maybe some comedy for some laughter....

1. A Midsummer Night's Dream 

2. Bridesmaids

3. Honey, I Blew the Kids

4. Borat

5.  Legally Blonde

6. Ace Ventura

7. Charlie's and the Chocolate Factory

8. Not another Teen Movie

9. Saturday Night Fever

Tired of movies?? Now we can watch some TV shows.

1. The American Gladiators

2. America's Next Top Model

3. Baywatch 

4. Big Bang Theory

5. Dancing with the Stars

 6. Desperate Housewives 

7. Flintstones

 8. Sex and the City

9. How I Met Your Mother 

10. Mythbusters 

11. Millionaire Matchmaker

12. Grey Anatomy 

13. Scooby Doo

14. StarTrek 

15. Survivor

16. The Adam's Family 

17. The Office

 18. Top Chef 

19. Ultimate Fighting Championship

There are a lot of shows waiting for you............